and now for something completely different
yes. i'm still alive. i've just been busy with a monumental move and work. or perhaps it would be more titillating to say m@ finally let me out of the dungeon?
at any rate, consider this my obligatory monthly post. it's far from political. i'm not bashing kerry. or bush. i'm not touching CBS with a 120 ft pole coated in teflon and KY jelly. so feel free to skip it and read ahead to something that tickles your fancy instead. my feelings won't be hurt. i promise.
recently while on a business trip, an associate and i were going through airport security (since when did i get old enough to have associates
, anyway?) and i just zipped right through security. i was told i might have to show my boarding pass to someone else along the way so i had it out and at the ready. my associate did the same. i breezed through. no problems. i was surrounded by two male & one female TSA agent who laughed and joked with me. this 3 agent to one passenger ratio seemed a bit extreme to me, but i tried to seem relaxed and breezy in that "la la la i'm so
not doing anything wrong" way that one does. especially when one isn't. doing anything wrong that is.
one male agent was even flirting. "how was your trip ma'am and where is home?" he wanted to know. he asked about the space needle. wanted to come visit. we laughed and talked and i was waving my boarding pass around comically. me, giddy with victory at having made it through so effortlessly, i was showing it to everyone who would look. "did you want to see it? did you? they said someone else might want to see it!" they laughed and gave me that, o aren't you cute as a button? look and waved me through. i slipped my sandals back on and waited on the other side for my associate who seemed to be taking an inordinately long time to materialize. finally he shows up looking put out and not at all chipper. he reaches into his pocket and says, "three times." rather grimly.
"THREE times!" he tells me again. "i think i just got a good old fashioned TSA admonishment." he then pulls out a handful of change and a little sliver of silver. a bit of his belt buckle had broken off earlier and he had shoved it in his pocket with his change. when he tried to go through the metal detector the bit of buckle set it off. they were on him like white on rice. he had to remove it and they descended upon him like vultures, checking his pockets and frisking him wildly without so much as a smile. he had to go through the detector twice more. i laughed and said, "meanwhile..." and pulled out the chopsticks from my hair, which look like this ----
then i said, "...and in my purse is my makeup bag. the things in a woman's makeup bag---well, there are things in there that could easily kill a man, but the guy who checked me through the line was ready to impregnate me at the top of the space needle." my associate laughs in spite of himself and shakes his head.
"yeah," he says. "it's a free country. and you are
the fairer sex." then, still shaking his head, he carries my bag to the gate in silence.
the poor downtrodden white male. god bless him. and god bless my ovaries. just this once. who ever said life is fair?
posted by kimberley at 10:02 PM