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    "The slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts" ~ George Orwell





    "An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible." ~ Unknown

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    Sunday, August 08, 2004

    Somehow it escaped my attention


    I hate the weekend. Not much news happens, and even less commenting on the news happens unless you have cable. All of my favorite periodicals are at rest and I have read everything current on them, save a few nuggets that trickle in. Monday is a good day to the unemployed.

    Blogs are a good accessory to this craving for input and news. It is not so much that blogs give better breaking news, but there is a serious dearth of places in the mainstream to find ball breaking statements decimating spin and conventional wisdom. I consider myself well informed, and well opinionated but I definitely see the wisdom in trying to keep myself reigned in because there are plenty of people out there saying what I already think, except they phrase it much better. I intend to get better at seeking out original places to put my opinions down, but for now it is clear that I should stick to passing on good links I found at other sites, and pointing out those sites as good places to go for links and opinions.

    One of the first blogs I found on my own, more or less, was All Things Jennifer, at her ATJpolitics edition. Somehow the fact that she has been kind enough to send traffic our way with a link eluded the part of my brain that thinks up polite ways to appreciate such thoughtful consideration of our new little project. Kim has had her blogrolled for a while but this is definitely a blog that is on par with Punditchick or take your pick of good writers, and it deserves mention if I am excusing myself from coming up with good copy on good topics by claiming Other Blogs.
    I tend to check the political edition spin-off first but her all around blogging skills are featured at her Mothership, All Things Jennifer.

    Another blog we've had on the list for a while, that I was proud to come across by accident and not the link of a popdex top100 blog, also one that is sharp and witty is Ergoparty. This one is regularly good for links that didn't show up on Fark today too. Not necessarily a political blog but I get the idea she would not be left without an opinion should you attempt to engage her. You probably better have yours well thought out though, I don't know if she suffers fools gladly or not. Well, I take that back because she hasn't banned me from commenting there.

    Um, a link from Memepool.com took me to FTheVote.com, a site that can only be seen safely by staunch conservatives after reading and willfully suspending disbelief against the disclaimer that precedes the content. It is supposed to be funny first, no matter how seriously it ends up becoming a legitimate movement.
    Luckily I am almost completely immune to being offended against my will and so I can report the funny part. After clicking past the wittily phrased legalese the first paragraph reads like this:

    SEXY LIBERALS OF THE U.S. UNITE in taking back the government from the sexually repressed, right-wing, zealots in control! Everyone knows liberals are hotter than conservatives - we look hotter, we dress hotter, our ideas are hotter, and we are infinitely hotter in the sack. We must use our sexual appeal to our advantage, as one more weapon in our already diverse arsenal. By stripping conservatives out of their clothes, we can also strip them of their power.
    Alllll righty. Funny is funny but you can't just go around acting smug about a joke that needs complete dismissal of reality to work. It becomes its own kind of unintentional comedy. Liberals are hotter looking and hotter in the sack? And everyone knows this? I think it might be just as absurd to claim that everyone knows conservatives are the hottest, but I can easily foul their whole thing up with the magic of bullet lists. In fact, I think these same lists could be used to make the case that if Republican women were just more willing to have casual sex for a vote like a bonobo monkey trades it for a chunk of meat or a crackhead trades it for crack we could keep from having to use reason and patient debate over facts to win this year:

    Democrats that foil the "Liberals are hot" and support the "Liberals are most likely aliens masquerading as humans" premise
    • Helen Thomas
    • Janet Reno
    • James Trafficant
    • Most young liberal women (yes, by all accounts there are some real hotties out there dressing hot and voting Democrat--yes I'm talking about you Natalie Portman but think about it. Are the hot dressing ones usually anything but apolitical?)
    • Ted Kennedy
    • John F'n Kerry
    • Carville (note his inability to fuck Mary Matalin liberal)
    • Alan Colmes
    • Bob Gephardt
    • Mike Dukakis
    • Jim Hightower
    • Al Franken
    • The entire Osbourne family
    • Eleanor Clift
    • A whole host of other people who are liberal and proud of being "unbeautiful"
    Republicans whose virtues we could use as loss leaders in the polls:
    • Heather Nauert
    • Kellyanne Fitzpatrick
    • Most young conservative women (again, I know. I know)
    • Arnold Scwarzennegger (reportedly a self-starter on this front)
    • Stallone
    • James Woods
    • Kid Rock (No word on how Pamela Anderson votes, but we've all seen Tommy's cock. I say she votes liberal.)
    • Sarah Michelle Gellar (pleasant surprise)
    • Laura Ingram
    • Tom Selleck
    • Bruce Willis
    • everyone pictured here
    • George P. Bush
    • LeAnn Rimes
    • Countless others who come out pretty well on the Hot or Not scale but somehow aren't completely vapid and detached from politics.
    Now I realize that there are some otherworldly looking Republicans. And there are some damned attractive Democrats. I know there are a million different kinds of "hot" and at least two camps for every one of those names up there. One camp says hot, and the other says not. So I have no illusions that I have proven anything at all. Maybe this is all just a way to sell more "I had an abortion" Tshirts.

    I dunno. It could have been funnier if it were more bipartisan. I think that's where the JibJab guys got it right. There were things for everybody to laugh at. Both sides ended up having to laugh with it before they could laugh at it. This one just begs to be shredded simply for ruining what could have been a good joke.

    I just wanted to say...can't we all just agree to keep fucking according to who pimples our goose like it's always been? Otherwise it could just turn into another two Americas, where there are Gets and Gets not. Ha! Imagine a world where I can offer a peek at my ass if you're willing to sign my petition. Where the hot interns of the world have more access to the President than I do. Oh wait. So I guess what I'm saying is---wait a tick. It suddenly occurred to me that the most likely source for this website is...Ugly Republicans using mass media to make liberal hotties more receptive! This is straight out of the Packwood playbook! Effing, effing genius. Good luck to you fellows. But long post for nothing. Go back to bed, sorry to have bothered you.

    Update: . I've checked around their site. I note that my state is listed as Solid Republican, which means either that hot liberal chicks should not even bother or that they will be expected to endure the utmost in depravity in order to change votes here. I'm thinking of a T-shirt that says "Go ahead, try and fuck me liberal." for the bar scene in Lawrence. To their credit, they've got some decent looking people pictured. It doesn't seem to be a trick to get us naked and steal our clothes, only returning them if we sign affidavits supporting "regime change". They just seem to have that lovely innocence and naivete that is so attractive to people who are just out to get somebody to lay them. I'm reserving my absolute judgement I suppose. Mostly because, who really gives a shit? The message board is mostly people claiming to be conservative either laughing at the site, condemning the site, or looking for a screw. The bush hating diatribes that follow are anything but arousing. I left messages like "I can't wait until we're doing this but we're naked" and "I can't wait for this orgy to start". They've gotten some press I assume. (that I somehow missed. I would have been on the lookout for "politically sexy events" such as they advertise though, without question) and they have a message board and 127 supposed hot liberals willing to screw you in exchange for signing a pledge sheet(PDF file warning) which is serious yet nonbinding, and also supposedly just for fun and games. It seems to only pepper it's "remember, this is only for a joke" statements just at the points where you start to think "hmm is it a good idea to give away sex for a nonbinding joke signature?" but then they do still have a message board, they have a straight face when they say
    Get the Pledge Sheet Signed
    It is best to whip out the FTV Pledge Sheet before any sexual contact. [ha. ha. curses, foiled again --me] Make it known why you feel so strongly about ousting Bush from office and explain what you are willing to do to see that it happens in November.
    and they do encourage you you to show up to an event and they want you to register and get on the bus. So I'm just left confused. Are they serious or not? They seem to be completely serious about leveraging your body all the way past you doing it and writing in about it, but not serious if you question why because ha ha, seriously advocating this would be nuts and how could you think that! Are they serious? Is the joke maybe on me for being late to the party and even bothering to blog about this? Augh! If it's not a joke, what are they selling? I'll end up sorry I wondered so hard once I've clicked through all the stuff on their page, I know it. If I don't bore you with more details about it rest assured it only means I came to realize it is boring myself. I will still have suffered many moments of nuance before figuring out what I really think about it but I will spare you, the likely already informed reader, the details of my catching up.


    posted by M@ at 11:34 PM   0 comments links to this post

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